Mom, Can We Talk?

A Mental Health First Aid Story

It was a Sunday morning and I was in my bathroom getting ready when a knock came at the door. It was my thirteen year-old, far earlier than she usually wakes up on the weekend. "Mom, can we talk?" When your teen says those words, you know you drop everything. I came out and sat on the bed next to her. 

"Mom, my friend is in trouble. She did a bad thing and might get expelled. Her parents are really mad. She told me she is thinking about killing herself." I took a deep breath. It had been just a few days since my Mental Health First Aid Course and I quickly reviewed the information we had covered for a crisis situation. 

"That sounds really scary. Has she ever talked about killing herself before?" I knew this friend had previously engaged in self-harm, but we had learned in class that self-harm is not equivalent to suicide risk. My daughter nodded. 

"A few months ago. She took a bunch of melatonin but she was ok. I think she knew that wasn't going to work." That definitely concerned me, so I moved onto the next question. 

"Has she talked about how she would try this time? Does she have what she might need to do it?" My daughter shook her head. 

"She didn't tell me."  

"From what I learned in my class last week, that's good. Did she talk about when she was going to do it?" Another negative. "Ok. Does she know about 988?" Nodding. "I don't think I need to call 911 right this minute, but if she talks to you and any of those things change, tell me right away. I have to tell her mom." 

I sent off the text. "My kid is worried that your kid might attempt suicide because of how much trouble she is in." Immediate text back. 

"She's under watch from me. Therapy starts again this week." 

I told my daughter the answer and I thanked her for telling me. We talked about how it might be helpful to look for teen mental health first aid to give her tools to handle situations like this with her friends. She and her friend have stayed in touch over the week, and it seems like the risk has receded for now.

The situation led to some really good talks with my daughter: how we treat every suicide threat as sincere, and should be taken seriously, and told to a trusted adult.

And, hopefully, I reinforced that my daughter can always come to me with her concerns, whether for herself or for her friends. I am so thankful that I had a simple script for the conversation and guidance on how to react.