By Victoria Palmer, LCSW
People often ask me why I chose to specialize in eating disorders.
Part of the answer is personal. Like most girls growing up in today's culture, I learned early on that our bodies are often treated as projects to improve rather than homes to live in. We are surrounded by messages about appearance, achievement, and perfectionism, and over time I became increasingly curious about the impact those messages have on our relationship with food, our bodies, and ultimately ourselves.
What truly drew me to specializing in eating disorders, however, was what I began to see beneath the surface. I found myself sitting with all kinds of people who felt trapped in cycles of restricting, bingeing, purging, or obsessing about food and their bodies. What struck me was that the deeper story was rarely about food at all. More often, it was about survival. It was about safety, belonging, control, self-worth, and learning how to navigate a world that felt overwhelming.
There’s a moment that happens in therapy—quiet, often subtle—when someone begins to realize that the way they've been coping was their brain and body's way of doing its best to survive.
In eating disorder work, this realization is often where healing begins.
People come into my office carrying so much shame about their relationship with food or their body. They'll say things like, "I don't understand why I'm like this," or "I know what to do, I just can't do it."
And underneath those words is often a painful belief:
Something is wrong with me.
But what I see, over and over again, is not brokenness. I see adaptation. I see people whose brains and bodies learned how to survive the best way they knew how.
When that shift happens—when someone moves from self-judgment to understanding—it creates space for healing.
Over the years, there are a few things I've found myself wishing more people understood about eating disorders and recovery.
1. Eating Disorders Are Not Really About Food
One of the most common misconceptions about eating disorders is that they're primarily about food, weight, or body image. Those are the visible parts—but they're rarely the full story.
More often, eating disorders serve a deeper function:
Creating a sense of control when life feels overwhelming
Numbing or avoiding painful emotions
Regulating an activated or shut-down nervous system
Maintaining a sense of safety, identity, or predictability
So when someone asks, "Why can't I just stop?" it's often the wrong question.
A more helpful one is:
What is this doing for you?
Because as harmful as eating disorders can become, they often begin as a solution.
2. Symptoms Make Sense (Even When They Hurt)
Restricting, bingeing, purging, over-exercising—these behaviors don't come out of nowhere.
They are learned. They are reinforced. And at some point, they worked. Not perfectly—and not without cost—but well enough to stick.
When we approach these behaviors with shame or urgency alone—"just stop," "just eat normally"—we often create more resistance, not less.
In trauma-informed eating disorder treatment, the goal isn't simply to eliminate behaviors. It's to understand them deeply enough that the system no longer needs them in the same way.
Sustainable change doesn't come from force. It comes from building internal safety.
3. Insight Isn't Enough
Many people struggling with eating disorders are incredibly insightful—often some of the most thoughtful and self-aware people I know.
They understand the patterns. They know the consequences. They've tried to "do it right." And still—they feel stuck.
That's because eating disorders don't live in logic alone.
They live in the nervous system. They live in the body.
Which is why approaches like EMDR, parts work, somatic therapies, and RO-DBT can be so powerful. They help us move beyond simply talking about the problem and begin processing what's driving it at a deeper level.
4. Healing Is Possible (Even If It Doesn't Look How You Expected)
Healing from an eating disorder isn't just about eating "normally" or loving your body all the time.
It's about:
Having more flexibility and choice around food
Feeling less controlled by thoughts about your body
Being able to tolerate emotions without needing to escape them
Relating to yourself with more compassion and less shame
It's about your world getting bigger—not smaller. And while the process is rarely linear, healing is absolutely possible.
I have the privilege of witnessing it every day.
If you or a loved one is struggling, I would be honored to walk alongside you on that journey.
About the Author
Victoria Palmer, LCSW, is a trauma therapist and founder of Victoria Palmer Psychotherapy LLC in Warrenton, Virginia. She specializes in the treatment of eating disorders, trauma, and nervous system healing through a compassionate, trauma-informed approach. Victoria integrates EMDR, Trauma-Informed Stabilization Treatment (TIST), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Radically Open DBT (RO-DBT), parts work, and somatic therapies to help clients build a more connected and compassionate relationship with themselves. She is passionate about creating a space where healing feels safe, collaborative, and sustainable. Victoria offers both in-person and virtual therapy sessions and is in-network with several major insurance providers.
